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7 Companies/People That Should Follow Amazon’s Lead And Start Using Drones

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Amazon recently announced that they will be offering a new service called “Prime Air,” which basically guarantees 30-minute deliveries via drones. While it’s pretty horrifying to imagine a world where robots are not only smarter, faster, and more efficient than us, but can also fly, we can’t help but count some of the benefits. We are, after all, technology optimists. Surely, Amazon is not the only company that can use this advancement to great effect. Once it’s ubiquitous, we expect to see drones used for a number of consumer products and services. Here are our predictions, six of which have a 100% of coming true. One of them, not so much. Which one? You guess.

1. Starbucks
They’re already halfway there–there’s a Starbucks on every corner. Selling coffee at 500% profit margin means they have the money to make our lives slightly easier and significantly more caffeinated. Why not have a drone fly across the block, saving you a precious 10 minutes of walking and waiting, delivering a steaming hot caramel macchiato right to your door?

2. The United States Postal Service
We, too, were surprised that they still exist, but it turns out people still do send letters and packages via the good ole’ USPS. However, the last time they actually delivered a package on time was in 1976, when a letter from Martha Messinger of Lawrence, MA reached her sister in neighboring town Worcester, MA in a record two days. A drone service, while putting a lot of mailmen out of a job, would reduce overhead and greatly increase accuracy and delivery speed. So it would be a pretty good idea.

3. Your Local Weed Merchant
Disclaimer: we in no way encourage the consumption of illegal psychotropic substances. However, as residents of the real world, we understand that it happens. Especially in winter months, we sympathize with city-dwelling small-time marijuana merchants who have to bicycle around in sleet and storms to deliver the sticky green to your doorstep. For the cost of a couple cheap drones, they’d be able to stay focused on the important things like cultivating quality product while making sure their customer base stays blunted. This also means less chance of police intervention, as it is pointless to catch and imprison a mechanical flying object, and tracing it back to it’s source will be practically impossible.

4. Santa Claus
With the world population rapidly approaching 8 billion souls, Mr. Claus’ job is getting harder and harder. The aging legend has reportedly attempted outsourcing some of his delivery work, but it’s still too big a job for such a small operation. An army of high-speed drones would ensure that every kid on the planet receives their precious toys well before Christmas morning.

5. Mothers Of College Students
Gone will be the days of worrying about how well fed or warm your son / daughter is. No matter how far they’ve strayed to further their education, a drone will enable mothers and grandmothers everywhere to deliver sweaters, underwear, and fresh, home-cooked meals to their beloved spawn. Additionally, stealth drones can easily be used to spy on their kids, enabling them to keep a close eye on the more party-inclined.

6. Apple Maps
Non-sensical, physically impossible directions are a common modern problem among iPhone users, especially in areas with heavy construction and new development. A couple of synced recon drones per city could feasibly be used to make sure that the directions provided are always up to date with the changing urban landscape, making sure you’re never told to turn left directly into a Macy’s department store.

7. Convenience Stores

Most of y’all are familiar with the almost unbearable awkwardness of having to interrupt a heated intimate moment to run to the store to purchase condoms. The embarrassment of essentially announcing to the cashier and everyone else in line that you’re about to engage in some carnal fun fades with time, but the inconvenience and difficulty involved in getting back into the swing of things persists. You’ll be hard pressed to find a more appropriate solution than a drone that will deliver rubbers on demand, enabling you to maintain the mood and also stay safe and protected. If nothing else on this list comes true, we pray that this final item does.

Wouldn’t it be dope if you could have drones deliver these HUF socks to you right now?

 

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