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Why The F@#$ Isn’t “Sex Dolphin” On R. Kelly’s Black Panties?!

There is no doubt that R. Kelly is more than just every woman’s dream come true. He is also one of the greatest minds of our time. He is more than just a sex genius. He is a life genius. Despite his past troubles with the law involving urine and underage girls, the singer isn’t afraid to embrace sexuality with unmatchable gusto.

“I love to lick the middle like an Oreo.”

His metaphors gracefully toe the line between gross and elegant. He avoids pretension at all costs. His lyrics have the cadence of everyday parlance, but he sings them with super-star soulfulness.

“Then I beat the pussy ’til it’s blue.”

His music is perfect for the internet generation because it lends itself to original, multi-platform remixes. A brilliant example is when our homies at Pigeons and Planes texted R. Kelly lyrics to their significant others:

rk-text1 rk-text2

rk-text3 rk-text4

Yet another magnificent example is Benedict Cumberbatch’s dramatic interpretation of R. Kelly’s “Genius:”

On his newest release, Black Panties, Kelly is in top form. Every track is aggressively sexual. Every track is deliciously soulful. There’s only one thing that bothered us. Kelly recently appeared on Rolling Stone TV, where he wowed us all by flipping random phrases into beautiful song snippets. One of those, titled “Sex Dolphin,” was just masterful. It even inspired remixes:

https://soundcloud.com/angomusic/r-kelly-sex-dolphin-ango-remix

We simply do not understand why R. Kelly wouldn’t include this song on his album. Sure, it was created as a joke to begin with. But it fits so well! Black Panties is one of those albums that’s so close to being an instant classic, but unfortunately falls short because of one glaring omission. Either way, click here to download the album, and stream the single “Cookies” above.

Feeling the sexiness? Show it with a Diamond Supply Co. tee:Karmaloop_Guru_Sex_Drugs

 

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