10 Actual Bunga Bunga Stage Directions From Silvio Berlusconi

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After years of charge upon charge, the world knows quite well that former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi loves 1) tax evasion and 2) dangerously young women. What we didn’t know was that his love for women went beyond simply courting and bedding them. In a court document from his current trial for soliciting underage prostitutes, Berlusconi is described as the “director of the young women’s sexual performances” at his notorious Bunga Bunga parties (we’re unsure if Bunga Bunga is a proper noun or not, so we’ll capitalize just to be safe).

Hearing this statement, it’s hard not to picture Berlusconi standing in his living room with a megaphone and waving his arms affectively at a bunch of underage girls who are trying to dance according to his directions, only for him to get frustrated at their ineptitude, throw the megaphone on the floor and walk out of the room. Beneath the layers of corrupt politician, sexual deviant, and all-around sack of garbage, Silvio Berlusconi is a creative. Though he’s been trapped in the drudgery of politics and all the scrutiny that comes with it, he’s known all his life that his true calling is directing sex parties. And he’s good. In fact, he’s the best. In several instances, the court document quoted what it considered to be incriminating statements, but what any student of cinema would recognize as directorial genius.

The list of statements includes the following (translated from Italian):

  1. “Dance like there is no music and you are alone in your room and not surrounded by retired members of parliament.”
  2. “That is not a pole. And you are not a dancer. The pole is a python, and you are a pool noodle in its grip.”
  3. “Here, take this money and throw it on me as if I’m the stripper. OK, now you be the stripper again. OK, now pick up the money and hand it to my butler.”
  4. “Get low girl. I said get low, girl. Na, na, na LOW. Get LOW! B***h what’s the matter with you? I said get low!”
  5. “I’m not trying to capture your essence. I’m trying to capture you… Yes, I understand that, technically, I’ve already captured you.”
  6. “Alright, everyone remove all of your clothing and three of you get into one of my suits.”
  7. “Look at me, but not like you would look at me. Like you would look at someone attractive. Just look into my eyes. Actually, don’t look at my eyes.”
  8. “Call me ‘Popa.'”
  9. “Put on the Smurfette costume, and then put on the bear costume over it. Now wear this Berlusconi mask over that.”
  10. “Find the essence of Bunga within, and you will find your inspiration.”

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We doubt you are getting it in like Silvio, but if you are, buckle up.

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