Amazingly, These 6 Twitter Handles Are Still Available

The fact of the matter is that pretty much every conceivable twitter handle has been taken.  While investigating potential names for our GURU twitter account, we hired a research team to find the best available handles. We wanted something funny, effective and relevant. Our team spent countless hours scouring the depths of Twitter, weeding through the fuckery in an effort to find the perfect handle. Eventually, we came up with a short list that we felt rather confident about.

Unfortunately, when we submitted them to our Director of Social Media, we were told that they didn’t quite “fit the standard of excellence” that they were looking for. Actually, he said something very different, but you get the point. Either way, our suggestions were turned down and we were forced to go back to the drawing board.

Instead of wasting all the work that we did, we figured we should at least share them with the world before deleting them from our hard drive. Welcome to the 5 Best Twitter Handles Available Right Now. Grab one of these before it is too late.

1. @brazzers_historian

To rock this handle you need to have the game and knowledge to back it up. We’re talking deep shit. Full knowledge of all cup and condom sizes throughout Brazzers history required.

2. @ratchet_without_a_cause

There’s no shame in having a little fun on the weekends and you certainly don’t need a reason to get a little ratchet. You know the party is real once the ratchets start twerking. They’re the life of the party and deserve our admiration and gratitude.

3. @420MILFs

420 friendly milfs are one of those precious things that makes life worth living. They bring meaning to those of us disillusioned by the daily grind. Show your appreciation for this rare and beautiful species.

4. @hungry_for_pubes

Mmmmm. Show the world your true colors. Have no shame. Yeah, it’s kinda wack, but just do you, homie.

5. @swimming_in_drakes_tears

We all know Drake is an emotional guy, with more tears than he knows what to do with. How dope would a pool full of his tears be? Start the movement, spread the word.

6. @jesusdiedforoursins

It blows our mind that this one hasn’t been taken yet. Where are all you true Christians at? Jesus himself is offended that you haven’t used this handle to spread his word.

And for all you thirsty tweeters out there, here are six more honorable mentions for you to snag up post-haste.

@dickdickdickdick

@yumyumcompost

@enjoysfartsmells

@ishouldkillmyself

@hatesmidgets

@allwomenareugly

@baracksonbaracks

Let’s be friends! Follow us at @GURUxMAG, @Karmaloop, and @KarmaloopTV!

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