Biggie Smalls Too Fat To Have Street Corner Named After Him

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Community Board members objected to naming a street corner in Clinton Hill after Biggie Smalls because he was a criminal and fat. DNAinfo New York reports that board member Lucy Koteen said she “looked up the rapper’s history” and reported her findings to the full board. “He started selling drugs at 12, he was a school dropout at 17, he was arrested for drugs and weapons charge, he was arrested for parole violations, he was arrested in North Carolina for crack cocaine, in 1996 he was again arrested for assault, he had a violent death and physically the man is not exactly a role model for youth,” she said. “I don’t see how this guy was a role model and frankly it offends me.”

Earlier today, GURU sat down with Koteen for an exclusive interview.

GURU: Could you please elaborate on your objections to having a street corner named after local icon Biggie Smalls?

KOTEEN: Of course, thanks for asking. Well, really, he’s just too fat. We all know that if kids see a fat person with a street named after them, the first thing they’re going to do is try to be fat. It’s just common sense. Brooklyn, and our country as a whole, cannot afford fat kids and definitely can’t afford to remind kids that you can be fat and successful.

G: Thank you for thinking of the kids. America needs more people like you. I don’t let my kids go on any streets named after Martin Luther King. He’s really not the body type I’m looking for in my kids.

K: Wow, that’s a great idea.

G: Let’s move on to the other objections you raised, particularly that he was a criminal.

K: Ah, thanks for reminding me. We all know that people can’t change and that all criminals are horrible, uninspiring people. So really, it’s easy to see why Biggie Smalls shouldn’t have his own street. Think of the kids again, if they see a street named after a criminal, first thing they’re going to do is go and get arrested. We don’t want that.

With that, Koteen had to leave. Sources say she will be at another community meeting tonight to propose that all streets be named after body builders. GURU endorses the initiative.

Check out some choice Biggie gear below.

 

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