BREAKING: Chris Brown Absconds To Uganda, Spotted With Joseph Kony


Controversial R&B superstar Chris Brown is making headlines yet again. Not one week after being arrested for assault and battery, sources now report that Brown has secretly escaped to Africa.

“He just wanted to get back in touch with his roots,” said a close friend who requested to remain anonymous. “It’s the same as with Dave [Chappelle]… Chris just needed to get away.” It’s unclear just how Brown was able to fly out of the country without being apprehended by government officials.

In a perhaps not-so-suprising new development, we’ve recently unearthed pictures that appear to show Brown cavorting with infamous warlord Joseph Kony, the notorious leader of the Lord’s Resistance Army, a group that has terrorized Uganda for over a decade. The brutal army is known for abducting children and making them soldiers and sex slaves.

“We don’t know how [Brown] found [Kony]. We’ve had dozens of special forces units looking for the criminal over the past year with no luck,” remarked U.S. General James McKinney. “We’re currently investigating what exactly Brown’s relationship is with the LRA leader.”

Brown’s violent tendencies will likely be nurtured and amplified by Kony. We believe that it was inevitable that the two notorious criminals found each other. As they say, “real recognize real.” It’s hard to believe that the abusive, tortured singer could sink any lower down the degenerate slide he’s been on since beating the shit out of Rihanna, but at this point, we wouldn’t be surprised if even more disturbing news emerges next week.


Unsurprisingly, Brown’s loyal fan base continues to defend him with rabid tenacity despite his pending war crimes. Some of the more disturbing tweets we’ve found so far:

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Don’t grab a gun like CB. Pick up some gear instead. 


The Air Gun Spades Tee in Black 


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