BREAKING: Drake and Future Participate In Crying Contest

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In a contest between Drake and Future to see who can fill a bucket with their tears first, Future has pulled into the lead after suing Drake for 1.5 million. It has been a fierce competition since Future’s quick jump out of the gate when Drake didn’t appear in his music video for “Tony Montana,” calling it a “slap in the face,” filling almost half a bucket full of salty and, for some reason, a little spicy tears. In an unexpected comeback, Drake got so sad at Future saying his new album “doesn’t grab you” and isn’t “possessive,” he kicked Future off his tour. Numerous sources cite seeing Drake hurriedly emptying multiple buckets outside dark Toronto hotels. Future responded with the law suit, nearly filling his bucket. The nation is holding its collective breath, awaiting Drake’s response, who must be desperate to start shedding more tears and defeat Future once and for all.

Can’t we just go back to old times when we were all friends?

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