Canada Bans Danny Brown, Obama Responds As Nation Mourns


Dear Canada,

What the fuck. We thought you were cool. We thought of you like our bro, someone we could count on to have our backs. And now you do this? You don’t allow our boy, our savior, Danny brown through your border!?

Listen, Danny Brown has a past. We all know that. He spent some time in jail. He sold some crack. BUT THAT IS AMERICA’S ONLY BEGOTTEN SON. He isn’t some low-life criminal. He is our spokesperson, our voice, our soul. He is of the blood line of the Based God. Do not fuck with him!

When you threw us Drake, we embraced him. When you spawned Justin Bieber, we turned him into an international sensation. We watch James Cameron’s films and we stare into the void of Anna Paquin’s tooth gap every Sunday night. When Celine Dion and Chad Kroeger croon, we listen.

And yet you embarrass Danny like this? We demand a formal apology. And you have to knight him (do y’all do that?). Or at least elect him into minor office.

This is unacceptable, Canada. You’ve made a powerful enemy today (we mean Danny Brown more than America).


Barack Obama

President, United States of America

Remember that time we hung out with Danny Brown



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