Ladies, This Is How You Dress to Get Laid

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Anyone who gets laid a lot as a direct result of how they dress knows that here are four main principles when dressing to get laid:

1. Feeling sexy and comfortable at the same time

2. Being approachable without giving off an “STD farm” vibe (is that kosher to say? Is that sex positive?)

3. Not overdoing it–especially with make up–unless, that is, you’re looking to fuck a juggalo

4. Accentuating what you already have:  Flat chested? Well, what do your legs look like? Throw on a pair of heels. Not happy about your ass or stomach? Find yourself an empire waist dress and show off your tits.

So, what’s ultimately going to get you the best results depends on what you’re working with, but here are some pieces that might help get you started…

AT A CLUB

I’m no fan of night clubs, but I have to admit, they’re one of the best places to pick up a guy that a girl (okay, usually if she’s in a major metropolitan area, sorry rural and suburban friends) has at her disposal.

At clubs, go simple. I’ve found that a twist on the classic little black dress works the best. Pair it with a smoky eye and some light jewelry.

Oh, and heels. Never forget heels, especially if you’re going to go to a club. Not only do they make everyone’s legs look about ten times better than they would have in flats, but my friend once told me something that I think is really true:  “In night life, all anyone cares about is your legs.” So show them off!

AT A HOUSE PARTY

Something tight, short and preferably unique, so when he needs to go and re-find you through a sea of drunk people, he easily can. Or, as my friend Rives once suggested, you can always throw on a pair of Daisy dukes and a tank that says “Blow Job Queen” and hope for the best.

AT WORK

Don’t sleep with your boss! Or coworkers! Bad idea! But, um, if you wanted to, these stockings are super hot.

ON OKCUPID / PLENTYOFFISH / CRAIGSLIST

No Problems Radiant Set No Problems Radiant Set Image Map

Looks don’t matter so much if you’re looking to get laid on the Internet. All you really have to do is be a girl. If you’ve been on the internet, you know that it’s not hard. The one surefire way to get a bunch of unsolicited messages though? Wear the most revealing thing possible. Your OKCupid inbox will runneth over. Just don’t get naked, because that’s against TOS.

BRUNCH

CAT FANCY PARTY Mango II Shoe Image Map

Cat Fancy Party | Mango II Shoe

Stay away from sleaze. You’re going to want to show off what you got, but you also need to remember that it’s brunch–not 3AM on a Friday night. Or a Tuesday night, depending on who you’re asking. When you’re trying to pick someone up during the day, stick with daytime colors and pieces that showcase your body without being super revealing.

AT THE MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY

I picked up a guy at the Museum of Natural History this summer and it’s my magnum opus of picking-people-up. So, if you’re at the grocery store or walking out of a bodega or like me, and at a museum, and you see someone who catches your eye–just be your naturally sexy self! Also, yoga pants. Yoga pants might also work. And with any of these outfits, you might also want to factor in, “What will I be most comfortable walking home in tomorrow?”

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