New Year’s Eve marks a new beginning for our lives, a chance to celebrate our successes, transcend our failures, and herald a future full of possibilities. Often however the party of the year is nothing more than a mediocre, overpriced, and over-drunk night that leaves you starting the next orbit of our planet with a hangover from hell.
The following are a few simple ways to make sure your New Year’s is super #positive and full of #love and #turnup. It’s not all about the party- it’s about making sure your New Year feels #magical.
1) Get a haircut! Do not underestimate this tip. If you haven’t had a haircut in a while, now’s your time. Your hair is a physical record of the past year. Trim some of that ish out. You’ll look very clean and your head will feel extra breezy, like linen pants. This puts you in the right mindset to start a #fresh new year.
2) Dress in the style of your “Optimal Persona.” How do you visualize yourself in an ideal future where you accomplished everything you wanted? This is how you should dress on New Year’s Eve. It’s OK to go all out on New Year’s Eve. Take a few risks and look extra #fresh. One extra note- I know that you aren’t supposed to wash good denim, but I find that having clean pants makes a difference with how you feel. Think of all of the things you’ve done in your jeans all year. They are probably jeans full of #psychic #demons. Wash them or buy a new pair.
3) Find your #NewYearsAnthem. Make a playlist of your favorite songs that make you feel full of #emotion. Mine are always bittersweet, like New Order‘s “Regret.” Life is #bittersweet, bruh. Festival banging EDM is not the right vibe. It’s the kind of night where love at first sight happens. Have a playlist ready for your pre-game or post-game. Get that chopped and screwed Sade ready for the late late night…
4) Bring extra and SHARE! I’ll never forget a New Years I had once in Montreal. I couldn’t toast at midnight, I was #turntdown, the bar was out of alcohol, and I was ready to accept the night as a #failed New Year’s Eve. Suddenly a Frenchman in a tuxedo named Sam magically materializes in front of me in the fog and opens a briefcase. Inside is a bottle of Moet and 2 crystal champagne glasses to toast with. He shared the bottle with me and then vanished. It’s moments like these that make New Year’s Eve special. So whatever party favors your roll with, bring extras to share. You never know who’s night you might make unforgettable, not to mention it will help you make new friends and possibly get laid.
5) Get a “Magic Cake of Salvation.” Eating before you go to sleep on New Year’s Eve will help absorb extra alcohol and avoid a hangover. I invented an occult system called #CakeMagic. Here is the ultimate secret of the 32nd Degree #CakeMagicians: Buy a cake, put 14 candles on it, and write “The Cake That Absolves All Sins” on it in icing. Light the candles, stare in the flame, think of anything you regret from the year past, and say to yourself, “When I blow out these candles, my sins are absolved.” Then blow out the candles and eat the cake and all your sins for the year are gone and you don’t get a hangover. Believe in #CakeMagic. You might even have some left over for breakfast and can eat it like royalty. Royal people eat cake for breakfast every day.
6) Look at the stars. What are your hopes and dreams this year? Look at the stars. Think of how big the world is, the universe, and how much opportunity is all around you. Anything is possible, this is your chance to start anew and make your dreams a reality. New Year’s is all about #positive vibes guys. I’ll be under the same stars right there with you. With a new haircut.