Jesus Returns, Kicks It With Kanye, Then Leaves

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Kanye’s cojones are the size of asteroids, dude. You gotta love it. The guy is a walking, talking, rapping cartoon character–everything he does is over-the-top and just so… ridiculous. We knew that something from the Yeezus tour would court controversy, but we didn’t see this coming. Kanye brought Jesus back.

As part of the incredibly elaborate performance spectacle that is the Yeezus tour, Kanye brought out an actor playing white Jesus and engaged in conversation that had to have been written by Kanye himself. At one point, the Messiah says to Ye, “I didn’t come here to make bad people feel good, I came here to make dead people… alive.” And then he leaves. Um… what?

Listen, Jesus. We appreciate you coming back for this major tour and all, but aren’t there a few other things you could have knocked off your to-do list while you were here?

1. Proved the Tea Party assholes wrong:

Michelle Bachmann, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, and the whole right-wing gang have been making a living basically desecrating every single thing you preached. They hate the poor, lie constantly, and sit on thrones made of money, all in your name. Maybe you could have been like… “um, stop that whack shit.”

2. Bitch-slap some bankers

You know who I’m talking about. The J.P. Morgan/Merrill Lynch/Citibank/HSBCs out there have been hoarding all the wealth, funding evil motherfuckers, working poor kids to death, and getting away with it all with barely a slap on the wrist. Maybe you could have been like… “um, stop that evil shit.”

3. Cure cancer

Or at least cure something, bro. Wasn’t that kind of your thing back in the day? Cancer kills over 500,000 people a year, maybe you could have been like… “OK, everyone is cured now.”

Seriously, Lord. We’ve been waiting 2,000 years for your return. You really should have done a little more. Yeezus fucking Christ.

Diamond Supply Co

jesus1-guru-karmaloop jesus2-guru-karmaloop

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