Yesterday, the folks over at four-pins managed to channel Kanye West and whipped up some true photoshop wizardry to create one of the funniest and most relevant blog posts we’ve seen this month. We just had to share it with y’all.
Hey, this is Kanye motherfuckin’ West*. Some of you may know me for being your favorite person and the rest of you obviously don’t know shit about shit! Anyway, why am I here? Because I’ve got some shoes to sell! One of the things that Steve Jobs’ ghost never told me was that being a genius is fucking expensive! Do you know how much goddamn debt I’m in from all of my crazy ideas? For every screen I added to my extravagant cinema-tent or whatever, I had to take out another mortgage on Big Sean. He’s technically owned by a boutique that only sells indigo silks in Osaka, but I haven’t told him that yet. And apparently, all of those crazy contracts I signed when I was younger are still legally binding, so I needed to find another way to make money. I went to the Nike offices to ask them for royalties and they said that they would agree if I would do some commercials.
I told them no! I told them they can’t control me! I told them to please reconsider as they carried me out of their office! But they wouldn’t listen! When DONDA grows to biggeer than just Virgil and Ibn making different voices on the phone, I’m going to buy Nike! So anyway, now I need to recoup my losses. Kim’s mom said that she would help me meet some people who could help out, but Adidas was the only one who would give me 100% control of my projects. Plus, and you peons probably don’t know this, but the fashion world is impossible to penetrate. Only the most prestigious of names are selected to participate in projects like this. Like Jeremy Scott! He’s like the second modern day Willy Wonka! I’m the first!
I gave Adidas ten ideas for shoes and all of them are fucking great. They are cutting edge products, each and every one of ‘em. I’m a master of product design, so this obviously did not come as any surprise to me. I’ve included some of the prototypes here, so take a look and agree with me!
*It’s Obviously not.
Anti Air Yeezy
Nike told me they didn’t know when my latest shoes were coming out. They told me. They didn’t. Know. How dare they?! Now that I got out of my deal with Nike, I decided to bring my most successful product design to Adidas. They’ll respect me enough to ensure that the shoes come out on whatever arbitrary month I decide to announce they will!
You know how it’s annoying when you leave the house looking 80% like a ninja, but your shoes look like they’re clearly made for basketball? Now, you have the option of matching these leather slippers with your pants! I was going to call these the Air Hedi Slimanes, but I didn’t because I’m a better person than he is!
Yeezus Christ Superstar Skate Low
I made an amazing song called “Black Skinhead”, and this sneaker is an homage to that amazing song. It’s important to pay respect to perfect, so I try to incorporate as much of myself into my work as possible. Not only are the stripes Klan hoods, but this shit also look like a Zebra! I fucking love zebras! There’s a lot you don’t know about me! You don’t know me!
In my latest live music spectacular, I’ve been sporting a bunch of dope masks. I’ve been trying to get Kendrick to put some on, but he keeps saying he’s busy whenever I ask him to hang out. I made these because I want everyone to experience a cool product I made without having the exact same product I made because I’m still better than everyone. I’m like the Santa Clause of product, but less jolly!
Sometimes I’ll be chilling in the house and I get worried that I don’t look fresh enough. What kind of example do I set for Norie if I’m not fresh all of the time? Without a good role model, she will never grow up to be a successful businesswoman like her mother.
New Slaves High
We are all a slaves to corporations! When you’re buying something from a big brand, you’re directly supporting The Devil! Adidas is mad cool though!
I don’t use the word perfect often, but I’m going to use it a lot here! These shoes are perfect! They look perfect! They look perfect on your feet! They even smell perfect when they’re off your feet! There is nothing not perfect about these shoes! You’re not supposed to wear them though! Just look at them.
Thee shoes are just one big bundle of laces, because laces are the most important part of a shoe. That’s a little tidbit of information that I picked up while I was looking at this lamp for the tenth straight hour. These are fly, but you have to remember to keep them tied or else you’ll find yourself barefoot fast, and that’s illegal! It’s in the bible!
Jeremy Scott x Kanye Wings
These shoes are the epitome of packaging for your feet. You probably don’t get this, but it’s minimalism. It’s also baroque!
This is the sort of fantastic product that I’m capable of. These shoes are wavy! HAHAHA!!!! Get it? Because there’s water in the soles?! If you give Adidas money for these shoes, you can literally walk on water. I’ve only known one guy who could preform miracles like that, but me and Dame don’t talk no more.