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Sign A Petition For NYC To Swap Mayors With Toronto

NYC was relatively pleased with Bill De Blasio’s overwhelming victory in our recent mayoral election. The first democrat to be elected mayor in over 20 years, De Blasio is expected to usher in a new era of progressive governance.

We’re not too sure. American politicians are seasoned liars. Sure, Bill campaigned on lessening income inequality, ending stop and frisk, and expanding pre-kindergarten classes, but how many promises did Obama make and subsequently break? Why should we believe De Blasio is any different? Why should we believe a post-Bloomberg city will be any different?

Honestly, we’re tired of being governed by the elite. Bloomberg was a billionaire; how could he truly understand the plight of the poor? How can a man that’s never had to worry about money relate to the average Joe?

We need one of our own in office. Rob Ford, Toronto’s visionary Mayor, is the perfect candidate. He is the hero we need and the hero we deserve. His crack-smoke-filled past will give him an unmatchable insight into what’s really happening on the street. His booze-soaked brain will undoubtably come up with ideas and programs that benefit the lower and middle classes.

“I made mistakes, I drank too much, I smoked some crack some time. What can I say? I made a mistake, I’m human.”

Yes! No more elite rulers–we need real humans in office! We’ve all made mistakes. It takes true courage to admit to them and move on. Ford will be a shining role model for city children and adults alike.

“I’m gonna kill that fucking guy. I’m telling you, it’s first-degree murder,” Ford was recorded saying to an unknown, unlucky guy. “I’m going to rip his fucking throat out.”

Has there ever been a more quintessentially NYC statement uttered by a politician? Enough with the parsed, contrived rhetoric and empty cliches. Let’s get someone REAL in office. Show us a New Yorker who hasn’t threatened the life of an acquaintance and we’ll show you someone pretending to be a New Yorker.

Face it. This guy does not belong in Canada. He IS New York City. We’ve decided to try something new–something that’s never been done before: A Mayor Swap.

Let’s try it out for month. We get Rob Ford, Toronto gets Bill De Blasio. If it works as beautifully as we expect, we can stretch it out indefinitely.

Join us in bringing this heroic torpedo of a human being to his rightful home in NYC by signing this petition. The petition is located in an abandoned warehouse in the Bronx. To sign it, take the 6 train to the last stop. Under the stairs to the subway, you’ll find a man in a red jacket. Tell him “I’m here for Ford,” and he will direct you to the location. Let’s make this happen!

 From NYC? Show it. Cop some Schott NYC today:


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