The Ten Most Ridiculous Kickstarters In Existence


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Kickstarter takes a lot of the elbow grease out of fundraising. It’s free, it’s user friendly and most importantly, it’s effective. Unlike more  traditional modes of fundraising, like hosting a gala event or setting up a bake sale or trying to woo elderly folks with lots of cash, if you don’t have what it takes to make a Kickstarter, you might as well throw the towel in. Sometimes, really great Kickstarters end up being thrown into the world, like the Pebble Smartwatch and the Oscar-nominated Incident in New Baghdad. Unfortunately, a lot of really terrible ones make their way through too.

Here are some of the worst Kickstarters this month:

1. Hiring an orchestra to play Sonic the Hedgehog music
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Cody C. Chavez, the mastermind behind this project, is asking for $8,000 to hire a professional orchestra to play the most iconic themes from Sonic the Hedgehog. We’re not ones to shit on video games. Final Fantasy and The Legend of Zelda, to name a couple, have some pretty great scores. Sonic the Hedgehog, however, not so much. But then again, I guess art is objective.

2. On the Dot: The Feminine Storage Solution
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It’s a cardboard box to keep your tampons or pads in. Why do they need $6,000? It’s not even that it’s that bad of an idea. But. It’s. A. Cardboard. Box.

3. K. Ellis Kids Clothing Line Screen Shot 2013-10-31 at 9.35.08 PM

Why does your infant need to worry about “being cool?” And say he/she did. Say that your infant had to worry about schoolyard bullies, do you really think that a onesie with “So Fresh,” or the ever-relevant, “Super Fly” emblazoned on the front is going to deter anyone? Is a cap that says “Cool” in rhinestones really going to convince anyone that your 4 month old is cool? But really, why would anyone need convincing anyway?

4. The Grain Back Playing Cards
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Limited edition playing cards made to honor farmers around the world. Maybe they can strike a deal with Farmers Only.

5. Anne Frank-N-Stein

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No words. We don’t know if we’re totally disgusted by this or about to donate $50.

6. Kindle e-reader page turner

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If you’re too inept to “turn the page” on your KINDLE, you should be absolutely ashamed of yourself. It’s a button. All you have to do is press it. You should not need to make your Kindle clunkier and heavier. It’s designed to avoid the hassle that reading physical books brings. For fuck’s sake.

7. Lost Tales of the Native Americans: Seinfeld Edition
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I want to know under what circumstances this came into creation. “A 30 minute Seinfeld parody with look-alike actors and classic scenes re-interpreted with them as Indians living in 1804.” Who was sitting around thinking, “You know what the world needs? A New York-specific, neo-nihilist sitcom re-imagined to be about Native Americans?” And the way they talk about it on the page, it’s like there’s a real niche for it, too. Really, though? Is there? Who are these people? Are they Native Americans? Seinfeld enthusiasts? Both?

8. HOT Cereal Man 2014 Calendar
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A calendar devoted to oatmeal. The sad thing is, I’m sure there’s a litany of hipsters sitting somewhere in their NYU dormitories just jumping to buy this.

9.  Fitness Band “Dress Up”

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Like most things on this list, there’s no possible universe where this is necessary. To hell with necessity–we can’t imagine a possible universe where anyone would even want this. It’s taking a technology that few people use and adding an unnecessary accoutrement to it. An ugly one, at that.

10. I Am the Doctor: Comedy Rap for Doctor Who’s 50th Anniversary

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This was a tough one for two reasons. The first reason being there are so many out-of-this world ridiculous projects on Kickstarter (like paper dolls for dogs and a tee-shirt that just says ‘Tattoo Life’), the second being, I have some seriously mixed feelings about this guy’s mission. Ultimately, though, there’s nothing that isn’t ridiculous about comedy rap songs about Doctor Who.

Did your terrible kickstarter not get funded? Are you poor and dying to get fresh? Lucky for you, the KL sale section let’s you get your favorite pieces for up to 60% off:

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