(Above: Big Bear’s Doin Thangs, the BEST Mixtape Cover of all time)
Every Wednesday we are going to bring you the 5 absolutely most mindbendingly terrible mixtape covers of the week. The fact that there are so many new mixtapes coming out that we can actually find 5 new horrible covers every week says a lot in itself, but we hope that the rappers hold on to their dreams and keep up the bad work. We’re having too much fun here.
We are 50% positive this cover was made on MS Paint, but we are 100% positive that it will become a celebrated work of fine art in the future, like in the Louvre and shit. G.L., wearing a shirt with his name photoshopped on it, apparently had his hands violently bitten off by the variety of savage beasts surrounding him. There’s a lion, a tiger, a bear (oh my!), a cobra, a gorilla, 2 scorpions, 2 wolves, an eagle, and 3 zombies. There are also some coffins ready for when G.L. finally bleeds to death. This mixtape is definitely worth listening to, as G.L. Town Bomb sounds like an African Danny Brown who can’t rap.
We give it a rating of 5 mics and a shark.
First of all, the plethora of “raws” in this guys’ mixtape title is driving us crazy. “Have you heard RawWeez’ Rawr Rawwreck Rnr mixtape?” No, but can you say it 5 times fast? Aside from that, why did RawWeez think a good mixtape cover would be him wearing gardening gloves doing the Kevin from Home Alone? Some questions are better left unanswered. The mixtape itself isn’t the all time worst we’ve ever heard- his voice is OK- but it’s pretty half assed, with many songs that clock at a minute and half long. One things for certain though, we wouldn’t run up in this dudes crib. He probably set a lot of traps!
We give it 2 mics and a lonely old man with a shovel.
Using a demo of Photoshop that came with Windows 95, Space Jake made this brilliant cover one rainy afternoon. There’s a cute photo of Waka Flocka shaking his dreads in the cosmos, a Based seal of approval, and a very weird space worm with Shrek’s face on it. Also, Space Jake taught us that our solar system includes a planet that looks like a Beats by Dre logo as well as a planet that’s just a large basketball. The mix itself is a surprisingly delightful playlist of bizarre mash-ups, making it the best actual mixtape of the worst mixtape covers of the week. Our favorite song features Lil Jon rapping over power metal group Dragonforce. In space, no one can hear you get crunk while a metal bro rips a gnarly solo.
We give it 4 mics and a picture of Chief Keef on the moon drawn with a #2 pencil on notebook paper.
Two white boys with photoshopped fake gold chains, posing with instruments in their mom’s basement with a Jesus poster on the wall. The name of this mixtape is “International House of Trap,” kind of like “International House of Pancakes,” but you know, with #trap. The intro teaches us a few things about Vince Fly and Lil T: their grandmother died, they don’t mind dropping N-bombs every 10 seconds, and they like to eat p*ssy and pancakes. We almost forgave them for shouting out Sierra Mist, but ultimately this is really horrible and sad. I know they are probably in highschool, but white boys talking about trapping since they were babies, being “one with the trap,” dropping racial slurs for fun, then dedicating the whole thing to your mom sucks.
We give it 1/2 a mic and DETENTION FOR THE REST OF THE SCHOOL YEAR.
First of all they designed a mixtape cover, then printed it, then took a photo of it with their flip phone. Second of all, we may be confused here, but when did microwaves become a thing? Is there something “street” about microwaves? I mean we know they cook pizzas using lasers, which is pretty ill, but we’re not sure if its cool enough to warrant a mixtape title. The last thing that made this one win a prize is the fact that it’s not volume 1, it’s volume “stoopid.” It’s like they know how bad this shit is, and just decided to be roll with it. The music is actually better than the cover, but that’s not saying much. We’re never listening to microwave rap again, volume stoopid or not.
We give it 3 mics and unlimited free Hot Pockets for a year.