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Wednesday Wackness #3: 5 Worst Mixtape Covers of the Week 4/2/2014

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(Above is our best cover of the week:  Cloud Nine Paradise- King of Clouds… What a lovely fantastical vision!  Why it’s the cover for a mixtape with songs like “Hustle Hard Die Rich” we’ll never know.)

I think this is our third installment-  We had to take a break for #SXSW, #WMC, #APADHIMTEITM (After partying at Diddy’s house in Miami till 11 in the morning), and things of that nature, but this week did not disappoint.  In fact, it might be our best edition yet.  And if you like our best cover of the week above, check out these equally beautiful snapbacks by Waimea.  Now let’s get into it…

 

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Sky Walker Fly Walker- I Don’t Give a Fuck But I Give a Shit 2

I feel kinda bad having this on the list.  I mean it’s so terrible it’s actually done a full circle to being amazing.  I must have been asleep when “I Don’t Give a Fuck But I Give a Shit 1″ came out, so I’m very #blessed I caught the 2nd volume.  First of all, homie is mad brave to eschew Twitter’s 140 character limit and make his name and mixtape title long as hell- I mean you still have 70 characters left to fuck with after typing it out but it’s still a long azz title.  He definitely does not give a fuck or shit about 140 character limits.

Regarding the title, I am really interested in the semantic questions raised by “I Don’t Give a Fuck But I Give a Shit.”  What exactly is the difference between giving a fuck and giving a shit?  I guess giving a fuck is way more serious, like fucking someone is a serious thing… Sex is mad intimate, like two people exploring each other bodies and shit.  Giving a shit is whatever, cause there’s no shortage of shit, and nobody really has any use for it unless you collect shit or something.  I’m sure there’s a shit collector out there somewhere but I thankfully never met them.  Anyways, I guess the meaning is Sky Walker Fly Walker doesn’t really care about stuff in a serious way, he cares in like the least possible amount of care one can care.

Finally, the real reason this cover is on this list is- what in all hell is the dad from Family Guy doing on this fucking mixtape cover?  I guess the graphic designer was like, “Sky Walker Fly Walker what do you think of this mixtape cover?”  And Sky Walker Fly Walker said “I don’t give a fuck!” but then he looked at it and thought for a second and was like “…but I do give a shit.  Put the dad from Family Guy on there.”  And that’s how this shit happened.

 

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Yung V- Sex Chronicles Volume 2
Slept again!  I missed Sex Chronicles Volume 1, damn!  Anyways, nothing says “sex” more than a shirtless white dude in an empty strip club with a giant bottle of Patron and some photoshopped girls standing next to a dude in a silk smoking jacket making the jerk off motion with his right hand.  Listening to this mixtape is equally as mind boggling.  Dude doesn’t rap on beat.  It’s more of an “audio collage.”  He does rap/talk over Sade for 8 minutes, and there is a song called “She Pregnant (Or is She)” which is basically the mystery of the year.  I remember when the exposé in Vanity Fair came out about it- “Yung V’s Girl’s Pregnant- Or is She?” and it was all about if she was pregnant or not and how she took a pregnancy test and instead of a plus or minus sign it showed that “whatever” emoticon like “¯\_(ツ)_/¯”.  Anyways , sorry Yung V but you deserve to be on this list with that cover, bruh.  Keep doing sex tho man, def keep doing sex.

 

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 Swisher Rose- Pray Until Swisher’s Here

Pray until Swisher’s here??  With your scary ass face and those scary ass crucifixes?  Bruh I’m prayin till your scary ass is NOT here.  I’m prayin till your scary ass is GONE.  You make kids cry Swisher!  One time you looked at a bird and that shit just dropped dead midflight.  You step outside and rainbows disappear bruh!  I been to your trap house and there were fucking BATS flying around that shit.  BE GONE SWISHER, BE GONE!

 

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Lil Wayne, K Camp, YG, Young Jeezy, Que, Young Scooter, Future, Juicy J, Young Thug, King Los, ScHoolboy Q, Bad Lucc, Problem, Kurupt, Crooked I, ASAP Ferg, Big K.R.I.T., Rick Ross, Kanye West, Big Sean, Pusha T, Wu-Tang, E-40, Doe B, Vic Mensa, Kevin Gates- It Is What It Is (Revisited) Vol. 15 March 2014

OK this definitely isn’t an “official mixtape,” but I commend these dudes hard work… After 15 volumes they weren’t even done yet, they decided to REVISIT volume 15.  “It is what it is” though is the worst expression ever.  Such a cop out.  Obviously something that is, is.  What the fuck does saying “it is what it is” accomplish?  What does it even mean??  Yo and I’m sorry, why did you have to put that sad ass crackhead from New Jack City on the cover?  His name was Pookie I think.  “It is what it is, crackheads cry and hit the pipe in the lowest possible act of desperation, now listen to some rap hits by all of your favorites!”  Pookie HAUNTS me man.  I never wanna see Pookie again.  Fuck you for puttin Pookie on the cover.

 

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Naquan Gates- Bedroom Pleasures

Stop lookin at my right shoulder Naquan.  Seriously bruh, it’s cool you’re into bedroom pleasures and all that with your zipper where the buttons supposed to be white turtleneck but don’t bring my right shoulder into this.  Homie looks like he bout to just start ravaging my right shoulder.  Dude look like he’s gonna rub his big wet lips all over that shit.  Whatever you do in the bedroom Naquan, leave my right shoulder out of it.  You’re not getting any pleasure with my right shoulder.  Naquan looks like he’s literally hungry for my right shoulder.  DO NOT EAT MY RIGHT SHOULDER NAQUAN.

 

I’ll be back next week unless Naquan eats my shoulder or Swisher kills me in my sleep.  -@LILINTERNET

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